I talked to my mom the other day and she told me that one of her missionary couples (meaning they met on their mission and got married afterwords, like several did, crazy mission of theirs) that I knew and really admired had split up and the husband had left the church and taken up the "things of the world" (and by things of the world I mean other women, not just caffeinated sodas and swearing). This was completely shocking. If I had my pick of all the missionaries I knew who were safe from giving in to such temptations he would have been the top one. In fact, if I had been a betting woman I would have put money down on him becoming a General Authority--he was that impressively good of a person. This brings me to one conclusion:
No. One. Is. Safe. Ever. Ever. Ever.
Which quite frankly scares me to death. And I feel so bad for his wife and 4 kids. That must be a really strong pull for him to be willing to drag his family through these awful consequences. (I also wondered if the root word in terror is the same as to tear). I hope someday there will be some peace and security in their lives again.
The other night I had a dream, I think in response to this information. It's not a realistic dream I know, but it seemed very real and I woke up in a hot sweat. My dream was that we were warned that a nuclear bomb was going off and told what we needed to do to survive. So when I saw the wave coming, I gathered my girls and we huddled together and followed the guidelines and ended up okay, after quite a scare with Gracie. I imagine that's how Melissa must be feeling, like her family was attacked by a weapon of mass destruction--everything was obliterated; but she and her kids, after much heartache, will survive. And in the meantime, I am very angry, first at the mechanisms of the bomb and then at the people who intentionally dropped it, knowing well the consequences.
It reminds me a bit of the staff in the scriptures, the one that if you looked at you would be healed. Yet how many people refused to look at it either because of the simplicity (they were too educated to need such childish beliefs) or because they did not feel they needed to be healed, they did not need or want the power of Christ in their lives. This is what gets me. Often I feel fine in my spiritual journey, pretty secure that I'm somewhere in the right path, maybe a little close to the side with some aspects, but generally going the right way. And I realize that I am, like everyone, very much"prone to wander." My willingness to look at the staff wavers.
This brings me to my favorite hymns (that is no longer in the hymn book but thanks to Mac Wilburg has become a favorite of many) which is Come Thou Fount. The first verse is about being fixed on the mount of redeeming love and singing praises to the Lord. The next verse is of wandering and being found by Christ who was a stranger to us. The last verse is about being so indebted to the grace of God and recognizing our nature: that we are prone to wander away from Him. If we could only stay in the first verse. Stay the focused, humble missionary or person that we have been and that we can be again. Keep the faith and the eye single to God. But we all wander. And it makes me so grateful for the mercy and grace of a loving Father in Heaven. So grateful for the staff that if we will look to, can heal us, even when we are not the offenders. So grateful for the father that watched continually for the prodigal son and embraced him when he returned home. So grateful that there is repentance and forgiveness. Nothing is hopeless, change is possible. And I pray that he and I will recognize more the need to be healed and to have the spirit in our lives and to feel the great desire to be "fixed upon the mount of His redeeming love."
6 comments:
I think stories like this remind me how easy it is to wander or "slide" (as it was mentioned in church) away from our beliefs. I've heard it before and I believe it even more that you're never standing still...you're either going forward or moving backward with your testimony. Hopefully I will always be heading in the right direction--even if occasionally it's "2 steps forward, 1 step back".
Life is scary and I feel bad for your friend and her family. I hope that they are compensated in a huge way in the forthcoming years.
This is so, so sad. We never really know from the outside what's going on in the inside.
Well said, Carol. Beautiful exposition on "Come Thou Fount" . . .
So sad. Whenever I hear tragedies of this sort (and unfortunately they happen too often), I think of a church history lesson from Susan Easton Black where Brigham Young was welcoming back one of the original 12 apostles who had gone astray and then found his way back. This apostle got up in General Conference and said, "Thank you for welcoming me back. I will never go astray again." Brigham Young got back up after him and, addressing the congregation said, "You can never say that. I could go astray tomorrow. Never say something like that, just keep choosing to do the right things every day." (paraphrasing, but you get the idea). I love that Brigham Young acknowledged his vulnerability to the pull of sin even as the prophet.
Things like this sure make you think. It's important to keep moving forward with your testimony and keep your guard up.
p.s. I loved the one word sentences.
Carol - That is so sad. I hate to hear things like that. I have a lot of friends from my high school years who have left the church as well. It's hard to imagine what they are missing (and probably don't even acutely realize it). I also love the Brigham Young story Jennie. This morning we read in Romans some verses that really touched me. "For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." I love the whole Chapter (5) - but it is awe inspiring to think that God will welcome with open arms those who have offended Him and left his church (should they repent) as much as those of us who stay on "the path" and chug along day by day (should we repent)! Thanks for the story and your hymn is an awesome one. =)
Oh that is my absolute favorite hymn as well!!
Loved your post. I am always so scared for the world my children live in, and then this morning we were reading in the 3rd chapter of 3rd Nephi about how Lachoneus knew the Gadianton robbers were coming and instead of giving up he prepared the people. I made me kids read the verse two times because I thought it was so powerful! That is my new vision...constant vigilance!!
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